‘Jump,’ she said. Her small hands curled around my shoulders, just like she used to. Her breath shivered along my skin.

‘I don’t want to,’ I replied, taking a step back from the ledge.

We had matching nails—a birthday gift from my mum. The same day everything went wrong. Her nails were different now: sharper, dirty, and digging into the soft skin of my collarbones.

‘But the answer you’re looking for is down there,’ she whispered into my ear.

Her body pressed flush against my back. She leaned onto me as though she hoped it would tilt me off the edge. Maybe it would, and I’d land in the darkness that swallowed her three days ago.

**

‘Jump,’ she said, laughing at my worried face. ‘Go on! You said you weren’t scared.’

‘I’m not.’ I folded my arms. ‘Why don’t you jump first?’

‘Because I told you it was a bad idea. You’re the one who said we should.’

I rolled my eyes. ‘I thought it would be a good birthday idea.’

She laughed and grabbed my hand, pulling me away from the edge. ‘Let me guess, Johnny told you to?’

‘No!’ I tugged my hand from hers and stormed ahead, before turning around and pointing a freshly manicured nail at her. ‘I just thought it would be something cool to do for your birthday!’

‘I don’t want to die on my sixteenth, thanks,’ she replied sarcastically, stepping over a fallen tree branch and pulling leafy vines to the side. We tumbled out of the wilderness and back towards civilisation.

‘We wouldn’t have died.’ I scoffed.

‘That water looked pretty far down you know.’

‘It wasn’t that far.’

She shrugged. ‘I’m not dumb enough to risk it.’

‘So, what, I’m dumb now?’

‘No, I’m saying Johnny is dumb for suggesting it. And maybe you’re a lil’ dumb for considering it.’

I struck my first out like a viper, hitting her arm. She pretended it hurt and groaned dramatically. We giggled together, our arms intertwined and our knees facing each other as we waited for the bus.

**

‘Are you sure you want that colour?’ She asked me, looking down her nose like the purple polish was a cockroach.

I shrugged. It was the same every time I picked something but, come her birthday, I bet her nails would be a shiny purple just like mine. She was weird like that—so judgmental, yet also obsessed.

‘It’s a very nice colour,’ the nail technician said, swiping the brush down my nail in a smooth movement. ‘It will look great with the silver diamantes.’ I smiled at her and nodded my head.

I knew that it would look great, that was why I picked them. However, it was nice to hear it from a professional. She scoffed next to me and wiggled her drying hand at me.

‘You should have picked red like me. It looks way nicer.’ She smirked and I shook my head.

‘They both look nice, you know,’ my mum said, popping her head up from the end of the table. Her nails were a sparkly turquoise colour that I like but that she didn’t. As expected.

‘Thanks for getting our nails done!’ She said, her face smiling again. ‘This is going to be such a fun birthday night; I can’t wait!’ We smiled at each other and I giggled, letting out my festering irritation.

She was just like that, but we’d been friends for too long now. I wasn’t going to let it get to me, especially not on a big night like this. Tonight had been planned for weeks, nearly months. I’d invited everyone so long ago, just to make sure that everyone could make it, that I needed to send out reminders last week so no one forgot.

Tonight was my sixteenth. Tonight was the night that everything came together. Tonight was the night of my life, and I sure as hell wasn’t going to turn up with red nails like her.

‘You know, I don’t think you should eat that,’ I said to her, watching as she stopped mid-bite. I tapped my unmanicured nails on the table in a consistent beat of annoyance.

‘Why not?’ She put the burger down and looked at it, inspecting it like there may be something on it. ‘What’s wrong with it?’

‘Nothing but…’ I trailed off, trying to use my eyes to indicate what I meant without being forced to say it.

She looked at me confused. ‘What?’

‘You know,’ I sighed, gesturing at her stomach. ‘You don’t want to look bloated later, right? It’s my big night.’

She looked down at her stomach and touched the bulging roll. It hung over her jeans in the grossest way. That’s why I wouldn’t wear a crop top if I knew I was going to the cinema. Some people only look good in clothes when they are standing, and she’s one of them, unfortunately. I should never have agreed to come to the cinema with her.

I finished my burger and stood up. ‘Let’s go. The movie will start soon.’

‘Yeah, sure.’ She left her burger on the plate and followed me. ‘You don’t want to get a drink or some popcorn? My shout, birthday girl.’

‘Are you crazy?’ I shook my head. ‘God, you’re unbelievable. Seriously.’

She looked away from me and muttered, ‘Sorry.’ She sounded like she was going to cry, so I grabbed her hand and pulled her with me.

‘Don’t you dare cry here. Everyone will look at us. Let’s just go get our nails done.’

‘Happy birthday!’ She exclaimed, popping a party cracker and handing me a bunch of balloons. I looked up at her from under a pile of streamers that collected on my fringe.

‘What was that?’ I asked, pulling the streamers off and throwing them on the ground.

‘Happy birthday?’ She asked, pulling the balloons back slightly.

I scoffed and grabbed them, ripping the strings from her hand. ‘Why didn’t you tell me beforehand? I would have filmed it for my Instagram story.’

‘Oh.’ She laughed slightly. ‘Sorry, I didn’t think.’

‘You never do.’ I pushed the door open and gestured for her to head in. ‘So, what outfit did you bring to wear later?’

She pulled an ugly two-piece from her bag and held it up, her eyes questioning. I nodded and smiled, loving how the green washed her out.

‘It’s perfect!’ I said, nodding my head. She grinned and skipped up the stairs behind me.

‘Thank god, I thought you were going to say the colour didn’t suit me or something.’

‘No way, you look great in green. You should wear it more often!’

I let go of the balloons in my room, watching as they floated to the ceiling. She bought pretty nice ones too. They even had confetti in them. I took a quick picture, lining up the early morning sunlight to stream through the pink plastic, and posted it online.

**

‘Jump,’ she said, lining me up at the edge of the cliff. ‘Everyone has!’

‘You haven’t,’ I replied, stepping back. ‘Didn’t you say it was a bad idea?’ She pushed a cup into my hand.

‘Take a drink and relax.’ She pushed the cup up until it met my mouth, and I felt the clear liquid burn on its way down. It settled into the pit of my stomach like acid.

I coughed, stepping back again. ‘I’m not jumping. I don’t want to anymore.’

I knew better than to mix alcohol and swimming, let alone alcohol and cliff jumping. The music from the car’s speaker buzzed in my heart and vibrated my bones. I felt queasy, and the moon poked its head out from behind the clouds just enough to make everyone look a sickly hue.

‘Just do it,’ Johnny said, his wet arm wrapping around me. My heart rushed to my throat and I swallowed, my mouth dry. ‘If you go then the birthday girl will too.’

‘I think not,’ she replied, a smirk on her lips. ‘I didn’t get done up like this just to jump in the ocean.’ The diamantes on her purple nails sparkled under the moonlight.

I shook Johnny’s arm off. And took a wobbly step away. ‘I’m not jumping.’

She stepped forward and grabbed my arm. ‘C’mon!’

People began to crowd around us now. We’d taken too long at the jump point and everyone noticed the hold-up. We were all here for her birthday, but, somehow, I’d become the centre of attention. I pulled my arm away. ‘Stop. I don’t want to anymore.’

‘Just do it! I’ll go after you! Promise.’ Her smile didn’t seem like she meant it. The vodka swirled in my stomach and I swallowed dryly. She reached out again, curling her fingers around my arm until her nails poked my skin. I fought her, but my body was buzzing out of time to my brain, and she pulled me back to the edge.

She pointed down the ledge. ‘Look, it’s not even that far!’

‘That’s not what you said earlier.’

‘Who cares what I said earlier? I was just scared because we were alone. Look how many people are here! They’ve all jumped.’

‘Why can’t you jump with me, then?’ I countered, tugging on my arm. She didn’t let go.

‘Because it’s my birthday! I want to go last.’ She smiled, but her grip didn’t feel friendly anymore. I wanted to go home. I wanted my mum and dad to come and get me. I didn’t want these red nails anymore.

‘Let me go.’ I yanked my arm roughly. She let me go, but I wish she hadn’t.

I stumbled, seeing four of my feet instead of two. ‘Jessie!’ I cried, my arm reaching out for her. She pulled her arm away and my hand clasped around the air it once was in. Her eyes widened and she looked at me, shocked, before shooting a purple-manicured hand in my direction, seconds too slow.

**

She didn’t fall cleanly.

I watched as her head hit the side wall, her body spinning in the air like a ragdoll from the force. Her body was limp as she fell, her arms and legs hitting the rock face intermittently. It was dark—way too dark to see the bottom—and it was an unusual sight, seeing her broken body flop into the darkness. It took a second for the splash.

We stood there silently. Someone turned the music off. We waited for minutes, waited for her to yell that she was fine, that it was fun. We wanted to turn the music on and laugh and dance.

Only silence filled the air.

I looked down at my hands, at those purple nails. Why did I let go? Why did I pull away? Why was I so slow?

Then the silence left, and the panic started. I felt the vibrations of people yelling and running behind me. I heard the car engine start and it peel out; I heard people on the phone to their parents.

I knelt at the edge of the ledge and peered into the darkness, looking for her.

There was a hand, waving. With a red manicure. It beckoned me, waved me down. The diamantes shone in the moonlight and the sound whooshed into my ears. I scrambled away from the edge and ran, ignoring Johnny yelling for me, ignoring the sounds of the sirens.